Revealed! If every Gallagher Premiership club was a Simpsons character
Top 10s/ListsWednesday, 10 January 2018 at 15:36
Don't roll your eyes: you gobbled up our Game of Thrones special. Anyway... as a new season of The Simpsons starts in the US, we see how each Premiership club has a nailed-on cartoon counterpart. Ay caramba!
GLOUCESTER: APU NAHASAPEEMAPETILON
Humble hard-workers who always put in a serious shift. There’s more glamorous characters around, but few display greater endurance (and, whisper it, intelligence). At times they yearn for a more exciting life, but life at The Shed-Mart is a safe existence in an unstable world.
LEICESTER: HOMER SIMPSON
Popular, world-famous, arguably even the lead character – but the main story arc here in recent years is of a frustrated everyman who often seems to have exactly what he wants just within grasp, only to comically let it slip away. D’oh!
SALE SHARKS: BARNEY GUMBLE
Generally lurch around from one disaster to another in a haphazard fashion. But out of nowhere, they’re capable of crafting a dazzling, one-off success (be that Premiership title or becoming a global barbershop sensation). Largely returned to bumbling around since – but an unlikely spark of genius lies within these mercurial oafs.
SARACENS: GROUNDSKEEPER WILLIE
They have grown in importance, but can still be heard chuntering about the lack of respect their hard work earns. Proud of their record on their beloved home Turf – they would definitely be our choice to wrestle a wolf into submission if one Premiership club were required to do so.
BATH: GRANDPA SIMPSON
They definitely remember when they were successful in the olden days – and aren’t shy of rambling on about it (which was the style at the time). A bit toothless in the Premiership era, but also an ever-present and a reassuringly historic fixture in this brave new world.
EXETER CHIEFS: NED FLANDERS
For so long peeping over the fence into the neighbour’s yard, Exeter finally arrived at the Premier garden party a little late but are now right amont it. Left-leaning with a sunny disposition, most find them easy to get along with – although their squeaky clean reputation can rub some people up the wrong way. Look surprisingly great with their shirts off (probably)
WASPS: KENT BROCKMAN
A series regular, if not quite a major figure, until a sudden influx of cash changed everything. They’re now situated in a flashy new gaff with plenty of dough and lots of exciting toys to play with. Still, these Gold covered smoothies always make for slick viewing on the box.
HARLEQUINS: BUMBLEBEE MAN
These entertainers are a hugely popular TV fixture who always draw a massive audience. Yet an undeniable element of slapstick self-destruction always seems to lurk just around the corner. Generally get booted up the backside at least once or twice a season.
WORCESTER: MARTIN PRINCE
Behold! These fresh-faced, plucky newcomers get top marks for keeping their nose clean and playing by the rules. Sure, they’re constantly in danger of getting their trunks yoinked down by some of the older or physically stronger operators around, but they seemingly always survive to fight another day.
NEWCASTLE: TROY MCCLURE
Troy McClure is renowned as a hugely successful star of the past whose glory days are long behind him. Subsequent attempts to reinvent himself never seemed to work out. Hi, I'm Newcastle! You may remember from such successes as the first Premiership season!
NORTHAMPTON SAINTS: DR NICK RIVIERA
Hi everybody! Northampton might be Springfield's hapless medical practitioner Dr. Nick during a surgical procedure: They know they have all the right tools and resources for success, but they don't really know how to best use them.
Bristol Bears: Nelson Muntz
Oof. Traditionally, these are the local bruisers nobody wants to encounter on the school playing fields, as they take delight in giving a wedgie to more established names. Yet a lot of storylines of late seem to revolve around them being reformed or refined and – while we’re never convinced it'll stick – it’s left them a bit confused as to exactly what their role is. I guess we will have to wait and see.
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