Top 10 Funniest Nigel Owens Quotes of All Time

A line that’s become iconic around the rugby world.

The Welshman is widely regarded as the greatest referee the game has ever seen—not just because of his fairness, authority, and knowledge, but because of his sharp wit and brilliant sense of humour.

Owens has given fans some of the most memorable one-liners in rugby history. From putting players in their place to keeping 30 international stars under control with just a few words, he’s delivered some absolute gems.

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Here are the Top 10 Funniest Nigel Owens Quotes of All Time.

Heineken Cup, Munster vs Toulouse.When the front rows repeatedly failed to bind properly, Owens had had enough. He called them in and delivered this deadpan classic:

"You don’t like to scrummage? Well if you don’t, you’re in the wrong position."
Straight to the point—and perfectly Nigel.

Six Nations, England vs France.
When Chris Robshaw politely complained about a French player lying around at the ruck, Nigel wasn’t having any of it. Robshaw backtracked mid-sentence, only for Owens to fire back with the sarcastic, schoolteacher-style:
"Uhh… Christopher."
Even Robshaw couldn’t help but smile as he muttered, “Sorry, sir.”

Six Nations, England vs France.
Mike Brown wanted to take a quick throw. Yoann Huget threw the ball away. Tempers flared. Owens called them over and, like a disappointed dad, told them both:
"You’re both acting very immature."
That was the end of that.

European Champions Cup, Harlequins line-out.
When Dave Ward’s throw went wildly astray, Nigel pounced with this one-liner:
"I’m straighter than that one."
Cue laughter from the stands—and probably a red face for Ward.

European Champions Cup, Harlequins vs Wasps.
After a pile-up looked more like a cuddle than a ruck, Nigel wasn’t impressed. He delivered this beauty:
"It’s embarrassing… If you want to cwtch, do it off the field, not on it!"
Only Owens could get away with it.

Heineken Cup, Ulster vs Leicester Tigers.
When Anthony Allen complained about a penalty, Owens reminded him what sport he was playing:
"The football stadium is 500 yards that way."
The Ulster crowd loved it.

Top 14, Stade Francais vs Bath.
When Sergio Parisse produced a beautiful kick to touch and then signalled they’d take a shot at goal, Owens teased:
"Do you want to take the kick after that one?"
Parisse had to laugh—even if he wasn’t his team’s kicker.

Test match, France vs England.
After a scuffle between Jules Plisson and Tom Wood, Nigel gathered the culprits together and delivered the verdict:
"This doesn’t look good, it’s not good."
Brian Moore summed it up perfectly in commentary: “You’ve got to love Nigel Owens.”

Magners League, Scarlets vs Leinster.
A mass brawl broke out. Most referees would panic. Not Owens. He called all 30 players into a huddle and calmly said:
"I don’t want to make a big issue out of this…".
Only Nigel could stop a fight with a group chat.

RaboDirect PRO12, Munster vs Treviso.
Owens’ most famous quote. When Treviso scrum-half Tobias Botes complained Paul O’Connell wasn’t releasing, Owens gave him the lecture—and ended it with the immortal words:
"This is not soccer."